the · wierd · world · of · being · me...

So-in the interests of hygeine, no self respecting person would allow a great dane, a dalmatian and a chihuahua to sleep in the same bed as them. obviously. however, in the interests of my furniture and the health and safety thereof-i do just that. it's not as bad as it sounds, i have a double bed and we've all gotten used to positioning ourselves so that noone falls off the bed in the night and noone has a disproportionate amount of space compared to body size (if i ever get another long term partner he or she will have to get themselves another bed, probably in another room and conjugal visits will have to be arranged carefully. hence why i'll always be single!) anyway, thats not really the point of the story but i felt the need to explain myself first!

Right, so at about 3 or 4 am today i was woken by the dane whingeing and flapping around and basically panicking and running around walking into stuff. it took me a little while to find the switch to my lamp (it's one of those bloody annoying ones with the switch on the cable so it always takes me ages to find in the dark!) and as i'm faffing, jelly's (the dane) panic increases and he starts to yelp to the point where i really start to think he's genuinely hurt himself somehow (which makes lamp fumbling even more troublesome cause by now i'm starting to get concerned about what im gonna see when i eventually get light!). anyway, after much farting around with the lamp, i finally manage to make it work and what do i see? Jelly is sat next to the bed with his head through the arm strap of one of my bras and his back leg through the other and he has one of the cups stuck over the bedstead which is basically anchoring him to the bed. my only explanation to how he got into this predicament is that he was visciously attacked by my underwear drawer in the dead of night and i caught him fighting off the final wave of troops. either that or my dog is a retard-ill leave you to draw your own conclusions...

:)

Was reading a news article about the centenary of australian cricketer Donald Bradman and came across the bizarre sentence:

"As it was, he made an uncharacteristic error, was deceived by a googly and suffered the crushing disappointment of being out for a duck - scoring no runs at all."

I mean, seriously-wtf?! i dont know cricket and dont ever watch it (which may beggar the question of why i was reading the article in the first place but stop asking awkward questions and pay attention will you?) but clearly whoever invented the game was completely insane. I mean, how deceiving can something called a 'googly' be? and why would anyone ever be 'out for a duck'?! i mean whut? is there a special language for cricketers or what? is all very strange...

...DEODORANT!

Phew! is hot today and i had to go out in it (for those that dont know, i am *not* a sun worshipper!) and seriously, what is it with men and no deo?! bleh! i now smell like other people's sweat. is beautiful...

roll on winter.

Note to self-if it says on the tag 'do not tumble dry', this cannot be translated as 'do not tumble dry unless you're desperate and need to dry stuff quickly'.

i now have several items of clothing that would fit my sister (blonde, blue eyes, big boobs, skinny waist, long legs) that were made to fit me (brunette, grey eyes, enormous boobs, fat arse, tree trunk legs).

Bugger.

So, i've recently discovered a new aspect of my personality. i am officially a geek. i mean proper black rimmed specs, toilet brush hair do, comedy tie for every occasion geek-non of your cool geek chic crap for me! 

I have discovered World of Warcraft.

Stop laughing.

Not only have i discovered it, i have developed a proper 7 hours a day habit that is scaring me a little. what's confusing me somewhat is that i've always hated any and all kinds of computer game, i've never had the patience or the necessary attention span for them. if im not winning within 5 minutes of starting to play i give up in a huff. if i am winning, my attention wanders within 10 minutes and i wander off anyway. WoW has grabbed my attention and wont let go, and i cant understand it!

*stamps feet at prospect of never regaining any of her free time* (who am i kidding? i have nothing *but* free time!)

Maybe i should just throw the towel in and start going to the conventions and playing dress up as my characters and talking like i was born in the 1700's...

:)

EW!!!!!

My dogs just ate the biggest spider in the world. Seriously, it was huge and black and hairy and it was after me. My babies rescued me though-and shared their spoils in a hearty meal. Definitely not gonna need to feed them tonight...

:)

So, i was in asda earlier today-a highly stressful situation for me to be in for a start, especially on a saturday. i hate shoppers, i hate people who take 5 of their children shopping then let them run around screaming and running people over on their 'heelies', i hate old ladies (they get in the way), i hate people who feel the need to spend 25 minutes looking at the potatos because they cant decide which ones to get-theyre fucking potatos, get a grip already! i hate the fact that the store employees always seem to choose to begin restocking a product at just the moment i need to get at said product, i hate people who stand and have social gatherings around their trolleys whilst seemingly oblivious to the fact that they're completely blocking access to a whole isle. But, most of all, i really hate the couple who chose the very moment that i needed to get at the streaky bacon section to spend 10 minutes snogging in front of it! seriously, asda is not a romantic place to be and noone wants to watch you swapping spit when theyre trying to choose what they want for dinner! the fact that they just didnt give a shit annoyed me even more. i'm not a shy person and had no issues in asking them to move-but they totally ignored me and carried on with their snog fest! in the end, i had to push the girl out of the way so i could carry on shopping without the risk of barfing-and she had the cheek to tut at me when i did it! i did, however, shoot her one of my award winning "withering looks" afterwards so she's probably in hospital right now having plastic surgery to repair the face melting consequences of her actions-take that loved-up-skinny-sour-faced-snog-girl! maybe she'll think twice before sucking face in front of my bacon again....

rant over...

:)

Ok, so i realised yesterday that my OCD has officially progressed to the 'handwashing' phase!

I'm not washing them 40 times a day yet (*yet* being the operative word!) but i seem to have developed a new obssesion with the ritual i use to wash my hands etc. i caught myself flushing the loo with my elbow earlier today-and i've started to cover my hand with my clothes to open doors with to avoid 'contaminating' my hands. i've also developed a wierd dependency on anti-bacterial hand gel (the kind they use in hospitals?). is the beginning of the end methinks-won't be long before i'm living in a furnitureless room surrounded by flash wipes and bottles of dettol wearing a home made decontamination suit and refusing to eat food that doesnt taste like bleach...

:)

So. me an the dog are dancing in the front room (he' a dane cross-so is taller than me on his back legs). Listening to a bit of james brown-being "sex machines" as it were. Jelly (the dog) was just getting down with it, doin his cape act-when i realise that the couple from down the road are stood outside my window watching the crazy lady with the noisy dogs shakin her booty wit her animals...So i guess that's cemented my reputation round here now!

At least we got applause anyway...

:)

Or, at least, someone i know needs to breed so that i have someone other than my dogs to make clothes for...



This is jelly-he REALLY doesnt like having to wear his new stripey sweater!



This is lexie-she doesnt care what shes wearin as long as shes warm and cosy and saaaafe. bless...



This is charlie, my mother's yorkie. I have an excuse for this one-he's a yorkie/chihuauah (definitely spelt wrong!) cross and so is not much bigger than a rat so he has to wear jumpers or he just sits there shivering like a girl...

As you may have guessed, i'm bored!

So, i was sitting on the bus earlier today and after a short while i became aware that i was being stared at by a small girl (possibly around 5 years old). I smiled at her, waved, pulled a face-nothin could provoke a reaction in her other than her just continuing to stare. it became a little unnerving.

Anyway, after a few minutes of eye watering stare action the child turned around and said loudly to her mother (whilst pointing at me)
"mommy, what's the matter with that lady's face?"
there was much whispering and stern faces from the girl's mother and they got off the bus soon after.

My problem is this, i never found out exactly what *was* wrong with my face?! was it a reference to my piercings? my make up? or had someone drawn a comedy moustache on me without my noticing? i think it most unfair that the mother didnt give me an adequate reply to the question...

Maybe i should go round asking some people. or is the question "what's wrong with my face" just asking for a smack in the mouth?...

:D

This is solid proof that cows are evil and do come from hell. Farmers deserve danger money...

(i'm sure they read your mind too, i do not have proof to back up this theory yet-but i'm looking...)

:D

Oh my god! i finally have a working laptop! The manufacturer has finally admitted that my original machine may never be fixed and if it is, it may take months for the relevant parts to be available-so i now have a brand spanking new replacement machine which has more than double the specs of my old one and is pretty and shiny. yay!

so now i have no excuse for being lazy on my journal. but it probably wont stop me. meh.

:)

Ok, so i've been away for a while. There are many reasons for this, most of which are boring and insignificant. The god's honest truth though? Sometimes i just lack the motivation to make full use of my journal. I seem to have fads, sometimes i obsess over it and will post every little thing that crosses my mind on here. Sometimes i just can't seem to motivate myself to do anything other than read through my friend's page and keep up with what other people are doing in their lives. I *am* interested in you all and i *do* read your journals. With me, it's all or nothing and that's the way i've always been so-although i can promise that i will continue to read your entries as i have been and that i will post as and when i find something in my life interesting enough to put into writing-i can't promise that i will be anything other than i have been recently. either an outspoken, over-enthusiastic and ranty motor mouth, or a silent witness to all your posts and pictures. So, thank you to everyone who hasn't already cut me from their fl. But feel free to do so if my flakiness annoys you-i wont be offended. Not for long anyway. ;)

Right, that over with i shall provide you all with some news of my life that i'm sure you were all awaiting with bated breath. Since i last posted, i moved house, lost my job, almost killed myself on a number of occasions due to my total inability to look where i'm going, er.....oo-an i broke a nail today. Yup, that's as exciting as it gets folks. Dunno how i cope with it sometimes, the excitement that is.

My new house is bigger and cleaner and in a much better satate of repair than my old one. However, at the moment i have no gas, no heating or hot water, no cooker, no tv and no phone line. My laptop is broken so i have to hijack someone else's if i wanna come online (two bloody weeks to fix a simple notebook effort and it's still *awaiting parts*! seriously, WTF?! if it was some sort of super duper limited edition gold plated sparkly thing then i could understand it but ya know, give me the parts an i'll fix it my bloody self if it means i don't have to keep listening to some robotic woman saying *still. awaiting. parts. please. call. again.*! bloody fools...)

So, all is well and i *am* still alive. Just in case anyone was interested...

:)

I can smell poo. I think my dog has hidden a poo present for me somewhere in the room. i can't find it. Meh.

(and, before you all write me off as a tramp, one of my dogs is a puppy and is not yet housetrained so there! i do not allow my animals to randomly evacuate indoors...in case you wondered...)

On the whole i think I'd prefer a different sort of present-maybe chocolate-or cake...

I bloody hate summer. I hate humidity, i hate sunbun, i hate warm soft drinks, i hate sweaty fat men with no shirts on with their arse cracks out, i hate thin women looking fabulous in their shorts and their vest tops, i hate small children with melting ice creams, i hate that it looks like a beautiful day for a walk but as soon as i leave the house i start to melt, i hate supermarkets full of people panic buying ice lollies and beer but most of all-i bloody hate the stench of a hundred barbecue's assaulting my nostrils each time i go near a window!

Yes, i *am* grumpy-sweat is not a lady like thing and it makes my hair go curly!

Meh. roll on winter-i miss my duvet, and my fireplace, and getting wet feet every time i leave the house, and being able to walk my dogs further than 20 yards without losing 40% of my body fluids...

Bumholes to the sun worshippers-i want snow!

*Stamps feet*